If you’re a decent man, you don’t ever want to purposely devalue your woman. But, on occasion, if you’re not being entirely thoughtful, you might end up doing so, without even knowing it. So, as a reference, I made a list of ways you devalue your woman (probably) without meaning to.
This, obviously, differs from the narcissist who always devalues on (and with) purpose. Whereas, in a moment of testosterone-induced insensitivity, a normal man may end up acting in ways that cause his woman to feel she isn’t of very much value to him, these freak events are seriously rare, and quickly acknowledged, admitted, and atoned for.
Narcissists, quite on the other hand, are devaluing you for a very clear purpose. Not only does devaluing you make him feel better about himself, in comparison; he also is systematically extracting narcissistic supply from you, in the form of your intensely painful emotions.
Furthermore, there will be absolutely NO acknowledgment, no admissions of guilt, and under no circumstances will there be atonement of any kind. Narcissists don’t care to read articles about “Ways You Devalue your woman” because, they already know they’re doing it. And, they sincerely don’t give a shit. At all.
Here are 50 different ways you devalue your woman, without knowing it.
1. Not asking her out on dates, after you’ve become comfortable in the relationship.
2. Complimenting only her physical attributes.
3. Being untrustworthy.
4. Talking about, implying, or even hinting at, a lack of morality/integrity, on her part, to other people.
5. Not including her in activities you do with your guy friends. (Be proud enough of your woman to want your friends to get to know her.)
6. Failing to defend her honor when other people say, imply, or even hint, at something negative about her.
7. Referring to her emotions as “drama”, “PMS”, or “over-sensitivity”. Or, worse, “manipulation”, “punishment”, or, “controlling”.
8. Not taking an interest in her ideas, work, hobbies, how her day went, or interests.
9. Not making an effort to befriend (or, at least, have an amicable relationship with) her friends and/or family.
10. Expecting her to over-function. (i.e. do everything around the house, take care of the kids, be responsible for all the “woman work”)
11. Forgetting to remind her, on a daily basis, that she is treasured, valued, cherished, beloved, etc. Basically, failing to remind her that she is important to your life, and that she matters to you.
12. Dressing nice for work, family events, going out with friends, etc., but, wearing your pit-stained work out shirts, and jogging pants around d the house, for her.
13. Allowing yourself to get a beer gut/totally getting out of shape and letting yourself go. (You know if you broke up, you’d start working out to attract another woman!)
14. Not honoring her needs for emotional closeness, but then, feeling offend when she doesn’t feel up to meeting all your physical needs.
15. Forgetting the 10:1 rule (that I made up, just now) which states, “You shall offer your woman 10 non-sexual touches, before trying to slip in a “sexy touch”.
16. Dismissing her needs. For example, saying things like “just drop it” when she needs to talk and resolve issues in the relationship. Or, coming home from work, acting like your responsibilities to your family are done, while she is still cooking, cleaning, etc. but then, acting as though her exhaustion (later that night) is offensive, or fake. Not seeing that she needs help, or a break. Saying things along the lines of, “Go ask mom”, or “Honey, did the kids get a bath yet.”
17. Referring to her in degrading terms. Examples: My old lady, the Ball and chain, etc.
18. Failing to notice all of the ways that she takes care of you, or goes out of her way for you.
19. Using a harsh, sarcastic, or abrupt tones with her. She isn’t your child, or your employee.
20. Not asking for her advice, or opinion, on topics/subjects you’re excited about. Especially, ones about which you know she is knowledgeable in.
21. Only asking for her help in menial/secretarial ways.
22. Downplaying/condescending her achievements. For example, “complementing” her on what a great job she has done with her “little blogging business”, or etc.
23. Downplaying/condescending her role in the family, if she stays at home or, works from home. Saying things like, “Well, honey, I actually have to go to work.” Or, “unlike you, I can’t just sit at home all day…”
24. Criticizing/speaking negatively about her friends or, family.
25. Being lazy at home, or acting like a slob…just expecting she’ll clean up after your mess. You’re supposed to be her PARTNER, NOT ANOTHER CHILD.
26. Never giving her your full, UNDIVIDED attention, when she’s talking to you. As in, your always half-watching tv, or checking your phone during a conversation with her.
27. Treating your friends/family better than you treat her. Seriously? Big no-no. HUGE.
28. Failing to take the initiative, at least once in a while, to plan a date or, to do something romantic for her.
29. Calling her names. That’s just abusive.
30. Not consulting her on major decisions that affect her too.
31. Shutting her out when she’s angry at you, or hurt. That’s called stone-walling and is, actually, abusive.
32. Being critical of her.
33. Valuing the needs of others over hers. Putting the needs of others before her needs.
34. Forgetting important dates; like, her birthday or, your wedding anniversary. OR, making a big deal of other people’s special days but, acting like her special days aren’t a big deal.
35. Buying shitty gifts. Notice I didn’t say “inexpensive” gifts. Not all great gifts are expensive, and not all shitty gifts are cheap. Basically, I. Talking about buying her g fits that you put absolutely ZERO thought into. Or, worse… not knowing her well-enough to where you can’t even pick out something decent that she would like. HINT: A woman is super easy to buy presents for, IF you happen to know anything, at all, about that woman.
36. Putting your pride/ego above the needs of the relationship. For example, if she tells you that it bothers her when you don’t call when you say you will, and you accuse her of being “too needy”, or “clingy”, instead of recognizing that a healthy partnership should include two DEPENDABLE people- who do what they say they’re gonna do, when they say they’ll do it- and, thus, apologizing for not calling.
37. Not protecting her from harm/Not standing up for her. This could be verbal, emotional, or physical harm. It could come from hyper-critical family members, “well-meaning” yet, tactless friends, or even YOU.
38. Abandoning her in times of need; whether it be physical, or emotional, abandonment. This could be anything from leaving the house when you can see she is clearly distraught, to zoning out in front of the T.V. when she uber-anxious about a potential unplanned pregnancy (or, something).
39. Failing to regularly reassure her of your devotion &a loyalty. Allowing her to feel insecure about her place in your life/in the relationship. It’s YOUR JOB to play stupid mind games, and to put any of her fears to rest.
40. Acting defensive, or unloving, if she questions you about something you told her, when the details of your story seriously didn’t line up, or make -sense.
41. Accusing her of being jealous, insecure, paranoid, or other, when you act in some inappropriate way and she, appropriately, loses some trust in you. If you aren’t willing to WORK, to gain back her trust, then leave the relationship.
42. Lying, keeping secrets, withholding information from her…but, then, expecting to be trusted.
43. Continuously “needing space”, or “me time”. Not sharing your life fully with her (if, you’re at that stage in the relationship). Seriously, if you need so much fucking space, stay single.
44. Mocking her.
45. Ignoring her bids for attention, or affection, unless you want sex, or something else, from her.
46. Being impatient with her kind of need for closeness/connection, or her need for her kind of resolution/closure.
47. Making insincere, shitty, sarcastic apologies, and expecting that they be genuinely accepted. That is just douche-bag fuckery. Period.
48. Refusing to communicate your needs/wants/preferences/desires to her. Extra butt-head points you, then, expect her to be a mind reader, and fulfill them.
49. Failing to take initiative and find activities to do together.
50. You fail to notice all the ways she attempts to look beautiful/pretty/sexy for you.
And, just for fun, here’s a bonus:
51. Genuinely not valuing her as the priceless, precious, treasured addition to your life, that she is.
And, if that doesn’t just about sum up what your woman means to you, then staying in the relationship, and treating her as less-than ‘all that’, is major douche-bag fuckery. Seriously.
Until Next Time,
The Narcissist’s Wife
Hi. I’m Story Lynne, (a.k.a. The Narcissist’s Wife). Nice to meet you. I’m the mother of 4 amazing kids, the (soon-to-be-ex) wife of a narcissist, and the author of this blog. I’m also a teacher, a healer, an intuitive empath, and Angel Card Reader.
I love fairies, angels, the color pink, anything sparkly, and Legos. (the Elves are my absolute favorites). I also love fixing cars, building shit, and shooting my bow (as in, bow and arrow).