You know those words, or deeds, that your narcissist says or does that just instantly get under your skin, and make you want to rip your own arms off just so you have something to beat him with? Yeah, those are called your triggers. In this post, I want to show you how to take away the narcissist’s power over you, in regards to setting you off on an emotional shit-storm. How? By #deactivating your triggers, of course.
Triggers: It’s a good word, really.
“They’re called ‘triggers’ because, like a bullet, you’re off-
with too much force and emotion to slow down.”
The more triggers you have, the more tumultuous your daily life with your narcissist is guaranteed to be. The more often you will fight and argue and lose your cool. The more triggers you have- the more hurt you experience.
The really bad news is that the narcissist is an absolute master at ferreting out these little hot-button gems… these little raw, open wounds inside of you…and then digging at them at every available opportunity. This is how he gets his supply if you’re not at a place in the relationship where you’re fawning all over him in a haze of adoration.
“When the narcissist gets bored with having your admiration,
he’ll be enthusiastic about having your pain.”
It’s really as simple as that.
Your triggers are how the narcissist beats you down. Every time you react violently (emotionally, verbally, and yes, if pushed enough, even sometimes physically) because he hit a trigger, the more shame you feel over your unbelievable behavior. The more you’re triggered, the less you recognize yourself. The more you question your own identity. The more you’re triggered, the easier it is to find more triggers, and poke at them until you break.
Being relentlessly triggered is part of what causes Complicated Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. Being triggered puts your body into the ‘fight-or-flight’ state. And when that happens daily, and over a long period of time, the emotional and physical effects are devastating. Diffuse Physiological Arousal (DPA) is just one side-effect of constantly being triggered into survival mode.
Being constantly triggered is no joke. And this is a huge weapon in the narcissist’s arsenal. This is one way he slowly wears you down into submission…until you just don’t have any more fight left in you. And that is why learning to deactivate your triggers is of ABSOLUTE, DIRE IMPORTANCE.
This is such an imperative aspect of healing, and escaping the tangled web of the narcissist that, I want to give you the groundwork to help you get started deactivating those triggers. These steps can save your sanity- and even your life.
steps to deactivating your triggers:
- Forgive Yourself: Be gentle and forgiving toward yourself when it comes to any embarrassing, or shameful, behavior yo may have exhibited in the past. Remember, your behavior is a normal reaction to abnormal treatment.
- Detach: Decide that you no longer want to be at the mercy of the narcissist’s whim, and that from now on, all triggers are to be used as healing tools…nothing more. They are not to be judged, criticized, or condemned- just noticed, and recorded.
- Identify Your Triggers: Start noticing what really sets you off. What things does the narcissist say, or do, that really gets you instantly heated- or instantly sad/hurt/defensive/insulted/scared? It’s helpful to keep a notebook of these things. These are your triggers.
- Notice Your Themes: If you take a close look at all the things your narc says or does that trigger you, you will find usually 1-3 overall themes to your triggers. It might be self-love, and acceptance, or feeling unworthy. You want to notice the underlying themes because, they are your inner-wounds that need healing.
- Heal the Wounds: Through the use of Environmentally Supported Subconscious Re-Scripting (ESSR), a powerful (yet easy to use) subconscious reprogramming technique, or any other technique you have an affinity for, work to heal the inner-wounds that the narcissist is triggering. Once the inner-wounds are healed, you need to adjust your environment- as best you can- to support your new belief structure. That way, the healing sticks 🙂 For Good.
- Deactivation: The trigger should no longer cause intense emotional reactions from you.
Once you’ve gone through these steps, you’ll no longer have to worry about your narcissist deciding that he’s going to have a bit of fun extracting supply from you, by pushing all your buttons. Going through the process outlined above means you have no more buttons for the narcissist to push. And THAT is a VERY, VERY good thing indeed.
To keeping both arms firmly attached to your body,
~The Narcissist’s Wife
Download your own “Deactivating Triggers” packet, including a more in-depth explanation of the deactivation process, plus a simple- yet powerful- worksheet to take you through the process step-by-step. Get started right away deactivating your painful #emotional triggers. The results are, truly, life-changing!
DEACTIVATING TRIGGERS PACKET: $4.99
Hi. I’m Story Lynne, (a.k.a. The Narcissist’s Wife). Nice to meet you. I’m the mother of 4 amazing kids, the (soon-to-be-ex) wife of a narcissist, and the author of this blog. I’m also a teacher, a healer, an intuitive empath, and Angel Card Reader.
I love fairies, angels, the color pink, anything sparkly, and Legos. (the Elves are my absolute favorites). I also love fixing cars, building shit, and shooting my bow (as in, bow and arrow).