In my last post, I told you that I was going to teach you about a vital life-skill that all kids should know, but rarely do, because their parents don’t even know they are not teaching it. Well, I’m going to help you rectify that oversight right now, so that your children (and you, too!) will be more equipped to handle the insanity of a narcissist.
STEP #2- TEACH THEM TO FEEL
Our society, today, has repressed most of our spiritual nature. Being “religious” is akin to being stuffy, or a prude. Being spiritual means that you’re “eccentric”, or “weird”, or “flighty”. If you’re a godly person, people actually deride you, or mock you. Face it- it’s just not cool to love God (or whatever name you want to use).
This is probably one of the most damaging things society has erased from our daily lives. Truly. And, it’s because we no longer teach our kids this vital life-skill- one they NEED to navigate their day-to-day, in the most peaceful, safest, and most loving way possible.
On the whole, children aren’t taught to develop their intuition. They aren’t taught to listen to their bodies, and trust in what their bodies say. In fact, most of the time, children are taught to do the exact opposite. They are taught to ignore their intuition. And, if they try to follow their intuition, they are usually forced to ignore it, most often because it isn’t socially accepted enough. This is SO DANGEROUS!
For example, a distant relative comes to visit, and mom says to little Johnny, “Go give Aunt Bertha a hug!” If little Johnny is feeling something uncomfortable in his body…if perhaps Aunt Bertha’s energy is a little too harsh for energy-sensitive Johnny… and maybe little Johnny hesitates… Mom will then usually push little Johnny towards Aunt Bertha, embarrassed, apologizing to Aunt Bertha- who is obviously offended- and little Johnny learns that his intuition is silly. That his intuition is embarrassing, and offensive. His intuition is wrong.
I’ve mentioned this before, but it’s worth repeating: When we are in situations where our heart, and emotions are involved, our mind can very often rationalize, or justify, all sorts of insane choices. Our mind is expert at coming to roundabout conclusions, that just so happen to support whatever it is we really, really, REALLY want, at any given time. You can verify that this is true, just by thinking back to when you were first dating your narcissist, and those crazy behaviors of his started surfacing.
Think of how in love you were with him, and how hard your mind worked to reason out why the narc would be acting in such crazy ways. Our minds came up with some crazy shit, didn’t it? Oh, wow- he just berated that poor, innocent waitress for bringing his wine in the wrong shape glass…Oh…well…he obviously didn’t mean to do that. He just….uh…you know, he was just traumatized by the fact that his mom was a waitress, and never gave him any love when he was little. He was just totally triggered right now…oh the poor, thing. I’ll just explain that to the waitress when he goes to the bathroom…
Our minds, and our hearts can easily lead us astray. BUT…our body never lies. Ever. We can always know the truth about a choice, situation, or even a person, if we listen to our body. No one taught us to do this, but it is so important that we teach our kids this life-saving skill. And, in the process, hopefully, we learn it for ourselves.
So, what does all this mean? How do we re-cultivate the intuition of our children, when they’ve spent their entire lives, basically, having it squelched out of them? It’s actually not that complicated. We teach them to FEEL their body! Really, it’s that easy.
Spiritual teacher Matt Khan, teaches this simple formula: If you feel relaxed…it’s good. If you don’t feel relaxed, then it’s not good for you. Super simple, right? Basically, all you have to do is pay attention to how your body feels. Before making any choice… think of how it feels in your body. If it makes you feel relaxed, then chances are, that is the best choice for you. If not, then perhaps you should rethink your decisions.
If this doesn’t seem like a super profound teaching, or skill…then, think back. Think back to the very beginning of you relationship with your narcissist. See if you can remember any of the feelings you were feeling, in your body. Can you remember? Can you remember feeling a deep relaxation in your body, when you were with the narc? A unrelenting sense of peace in your body? (Yeah, I didn’t think so)
Can you just imagine what might have happened, if we had known this one vital life-skill, we would have known that the absence of relaxation was our body’s (our intuition’s) way of warning us that this was not for us!
[NOTE: This is not an invitation for you to feel guilty, or ashamed. And this is NOT me giving you permission to berate yourself. You are not responsible for something you DID NOT KNOW!]
So, Step 2, in keeping your kids safe from the narcissist, is to help your kids get back in touch with their intuition. This will help them to feel the truth of any given situation. Can you see how valuable a skill this would be, when dealing with a narcissist? To be able to feel the truth in their body?
From now on, whenever your child feels an emotion, help them to also notice how it feels in their body. The more you do this, the easier it will be, for them to automatically feel what the right thing to do would be in any given situation. And this feeling will always lead them in the right direction. It will never rationalize bad choices for them.
…and isn’t that one of the best gifts you can think of to give your children in life?
In the next post, I will tell you how you can help your child heal past abuse. So, you won’t want to miss that. Without healing their past pain, it will be so hard for them to ever move forward. Stay tuned…
I love you,
~The Narcissist’s Wife
For more resources, and community, please join the Rescue Room, my Facebook Support Group, for the victims of narcissistic abuse.
I’d also love to hear your thoughts….leave a comment below!