I have had the misfortune of falling in love with a man, who say can look into my eyes and say “I love you”, even while just beneath his surface lurks a vicious parasite, filled with hate. A killer of dreams. A raper of souls. A breaker of hearts. A self-loathing man who violently envies everything I am and, hates me for it. Are you in the same boat? This is how to tell if the man you love hates you.
As much as it kills me to acknowledge it… there are predators in this world. Real-life vampires, who feed off your pain and suffering. Drink it in, like fresh blood, but are never, EVER satisfied. There are monsters out there- who would feast on the loving devotion of innocent (well, more like radically naive) souls, who yearn to heal them, with unconditional love.
There are hunters out there…
And we… we are just the prey. Nothing more.
I was the sucker who fell for the same old lines, and lies. I was the fool who so desperately longed to believe the pretty words, and empty promises. I was the target… the one who arrogantly believed that I would be somehow special…somehow different than all the rest. My man was different than all the rest. OH! Didn’t I, so eagerly, fall for that one?
I get it. It’s a really sucky title, right? But, when we’re talking about narcissistic abuse, it’s important to know how to tell if the man you love hates you. You might think that it would be pretty obvious- that you’d easily be able to tell if someone, literally, hated you but, when you love a narcissist, that simply isn’t the case.
Why is that? Well, if I know anything about you, then I know this: you are a caring, compassionate, empathic human being. I know this because, if you weren’t, the narcissist would not have been drawn to you. And, those are the exact qualities that will make it so hard for you to see reality. The fact that you have the habit of showing compassion and empathy, for the narcissist, is the exact reason why he is able to get away with causing massive amounts of pain before you even start to question his so-called ‘love’ for you.
And guess what? He counts on this. He knows that you will assume his inherent goodness, or that you will have pity on his obvious lack of intimacy skills. It wasn’t his fault, after all. He had such a terrible childhood, didn’t he? He had no proper example, right? Almost every narcissist has the same, sad story- whether real, or imagined. And because you automatically offer up your compassion, you unwittingly overlook some major warning signs. You rationalize away the red flags. You make excuses for unacceptable behavior.
It’s important to know how to tell if the man you love hates you because, otherwise, you will continue to accept abuse in your life. You will continue to make excuses for abuse and, you will never stand up and demand the love and respect you absolutely, 100% deserve. So here it is. A short list of behaviors that will help you know how to tell ifthe man you love hates you.
How to tell if the man you love hates you…
- He lies to you. Blatantly and without sincere apology or, explanation.
- He is never there for you when you need him or, how you need him to be.
- He blames you for all the problems in the relationship.
- He refuses to take responsibility for anything. Period. Ever. It’s always someone or something else- circumstances outside his control- the way he was raised- or some act of God.
- He doesn’t show you, with ACTIONS, that he respects your time. He doesn’t call when he says he will. Is always late, without notice. Disrupts your work schedule. Interrupts your private time. Etc.
- He doesn’t try to see things from your perspective. He doesn’t try to understand what you’re feeling or going through. He never asks you “why” you feel, think, or believe, a certain thing.
- He does, or says, things that you make you feel bad about yourself.
- He doesn’t bring you around his friends, or bring his friends around you, so that you can all get to know each other. He may let you see them but, you’re never really allowed to really let his friends get to know you.
- He doesn’t show compassion, empathy, or mercy, when you are suffering. For example, he says/does something that makes you cry- really hurts you- and he doesn’t soothe you, or comfort you. Instead he acts cold, or just walks away.
- He acts as though you are less capable, less intelligent, less talented or, just less-than. He doesn’t make you feel MORE beautiful, smart, funny, talented, capable, etc.
Do any of these sound familiar to you? Are you experiencing any of these things in your relationship? Which ones? And, if so, these are HUGE warning signs. PLEASE… do NOT ignore them! These are warnings that every young woman should be taught, before she starts dating. These are things we should have been taught to look out for, instead of seeing them as reasons to try to show the narcissist empathy.
Now we know,
~The Narcissist’s Wife