Sometimes, it seems as though a narcissist’s favorite past time is finding new, more subtle ways, to devalue you as a human being with worth. In this short post, I’d like to mention just #one subtle way the narcissist devalues you. Here’s a hint- it has to do with your name.
Not all narcissists are exactly the same, so this may not apply to you. But, I’d be willing to bet that a lot of you ladies out there have experienced this one subtle form of #devaluation, at some point in your relationship.
What is the tactic? Simple. Refusing to use your name.
I know. It sounds like such a small thing, doesn’t it? That’s the beauty of it (or the underhandedness of it). See, a person’s name is the most beautiful sound in the whole world. It speaks to every human being’s deepest need: to feel significant…like they’re important.
A narcissist won’t use your name because, using your name means
that you are important enough for him to remember it.
On the other hand, though, by not using a person’s name- especially when you obviously know it, and the person you’re talking to also knows it, just shows that you are attempting to decrease their importance, or significance, to you. It’s one (very) subtle way to devalue someone.
My husband used to do this to me all the time. Even when he was talking to people who knew me, and had spent time with me, etc., he’d still insist on referring to me as “my wife”… even after I communicated that it came across as devaluing. He never stopped because, to do so- to actually use my name- would be to raise me up to the level of “equals” to him. And, he wasn’t about to let that happen.
Here’s to uncovering petty tactics,
~The Narcissist’s Wife
Have you ever noticed your narc doing this? In what other ways have you noticed the act of subtle devaluation? Comment below!