One Subtle Way the Narcissist Devalues You

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Sometimes, it seems as though a narcissist’s favorite past time is finding new, more subtle ways, to devalue you as a human being with worth. In this short post, I’d like to mention just . Here’s a hint- it has to do with your name.

Not all narcissists are exactly the same, so this may not apply to you. But, I’d be willing to bet that a lot of you ladies out there have experienced this one subtle form of , at some point in your relationship.

What is the tactic? Simple. Refusing to use your name.

I know. It sounds like such a small thing, doesn’t it? That’s the beauty of it (or the underhandedness of it). See, a person’s name is the most beautiful sound in the whole world. It speaks to every human being’s deepest need: to feel significant…like they’re important.

A narcissist won’t use your name because, using your name means
that you are important enough for him to remember it.

On the other hand, though, by not using a person’s name- especially when you obviously know it, and the person you’re talking to also knows it, just shows that you are attempting to decrease their importance, or significance, to you. It’s one (very) subtle way to devalue someone.

My husband used to do this to me all the time. Even when he was talking to people who knew me, and had spent time with me, etc., he’d still insist on referring to me as “my wife”… even after I communicated that it came across as devaluing. He never stopped because, to do so- to actually use my name- would be to raise me up to the level of “equals” to him. And, he wasn’t about to let that happen.

Here’s to uncovering petty tactics,

~The Narcissist’s Wife

Have you ever noticed your narc doing this? In what other ways have you noticed the act of subtle devaluation? Comment below!

Hi. I’m Story Lynne, (a.k.a. The Narcissist’s Wife). Nice to meet you. I’m the mother of 4 amazing kids, the (soon-to-be-ex) wife of a narcissist, and the author of this blog. I’m also a teacher, a healer, an intuitive empath, and Angel Card Reader.
I love fairies, angels, the color pink, anything sparkly, and Legos. (the Elves are my absolute favorites). I also love fixing cars, building shit, and shooting my bow (as in, bow and arrow).

7 Comments

  • Anonymous

    OMG. Loser never called me by name but twice in forty years. Now, he did call me “shug” because that’s what his fucking mama and daddy called each other.
    When it came to my signature, I signed my name with my first initial and then his name. HE LOVED IT. I finally realized that it was because I had been reduced to nothing but an initial and all that showed was HIS name.
    He also expected me to keep his last name after the divorce as it would be “so much easier for me.”
    Got rid of that piece of shit name the same time I got rid of that piece of shit!

    • Anonymous

      I’m happy you got rid of yours. I’m still trapped. Financially speaking. I don’t work. But I’m trying to hang on until my kids get in college. My nerves are so shot. But with my family I try to get thru it. He is a police officer and knows all the court judges. 😩

      • I haven’t exactly “got rid” of mine, so to speak. We don’t live together anymore, though we spend the weekends together. I just don’t take any more shit from him. And his tantrums don’t bother me a bit anymore.

        I have hope that things will improve, as crazy as that may sound. I just can’t give up completely; I have this unexplainable drive…but, it’s a very detached drive, so I don’t get hurt if something goes wrong. It’s hard to explain.

        I am working on a program to heal after this kind of abuse…one that might do the narcissist some good in the process. I guess still maintaining contact is the only way I can ensure that what I intend to preach is practice-able… If that makes any sense at all… LOL

        Hang in there. Things will get better soon. I know it.

  • Lookingup

    OMG!! Yes. My husband does this all the time. Over the many years I corrected him. Thinking he just wasn’t thinking of just not knowing proper etiquette. This is SHOCKING. I can’t believe it!!! I’ve been so devalued in so many ways. Last night was with his mother. He puts her above God. Of course I’m in the dirt. And I had it out with him last night and basically he said that if I don’t let his mother stay overnight he will go sleep at her house. Mean while my MIL already had plans to stay with her other son. But the NARCISSIST wanted his mommy with him to further devalue me. I’m no one when she is in the room.

    • It’s crazy, isn’t it? I glad my husband never had a mama’s boy complex. Actually, he pretty much couldn’t stand his mom’s guts until I came along and encouraged him to patch things up with her.
      Of course, that came back to bite me in the ass as she now has some imaginary vendetta against me… But, oh well.

      Sneaky little suckers, aren’t they? LOL

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