If you haven’t had the opportunity, yet, to get the hell out of Narc City, then you need to read this, and you should pay very close attention. It could save your sanity…or even your life!
Chances are, if you’re the wife (or daughter, girlfriend, niece, sister, or co-worker, etc.) of a narcissist, you spend WAY too many days in a maelstrom of anxiety, fear, loneliness, humiliation, depression, shame, guilt, anger (righteous anger, of course), and a whole host of other STRESSFUL emotions. So the story goes, when share your life with a narcissist. Their very presence precludes any semblance of a peaceful existence. Their tantrums, and abusive behavior, are daily landmines to navigate, and the consequence for not avoiding them is even more stress, and abuse… and the cycle never ends…it just gets faster, and more dizzying, as you go along.
Before you know it, your whole life- your thoughts, your emotions, your body, your soul, your daily to-do list, your hobbies, your likes, your interests, and everything else that once belonged to you, is now focused on …HIM! The narcissist is, not only the center of his own universe, but now, he’s at the center of YOURS too! Is that really what you’ve worked your whole life to achieve? Basically ‘groupie’ status to a ego-maniac, who doesn’t have enough awareness to comprehend the fact that you might actually have needs, or desires of your own. Yet, your whole entire life now revolves around his every whim…or your seething rage, in response to him expecting that you should cater to his every whim.
Either way, its obvious that only one person is getting any of their needs met, and can you guess who that person is?
I’ll give you a hint: it’s not YOU (Victims, or as I say ‘targets’, of abuse are notorious for not taking care of themselves).
You’re stuck, right smack-dab, in the middle of all the pain, and loneliness, and stress… and what do you have to show for it? Probably any number of ailments…the typical side-effects of living in a toxic environment. Premature aging? Hair loss? Weight loss/gain? Depression? Agoraphobia? Broken teeth (from grinding or highly acidic pH levels)? Anxiety? Panic attacks? Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder? Spontaneous stuttering? Insomnia? Chronic Fatigue? Irregular menstruation? Fibromyalgia? Headaches? Nervous break downs? Nausea? Muscle aches? Any of these sounding familiar yet? Seriously, do I need to keep going? OR do I have your attention now?
Now, I apologize for being a little brusque. I’m not trying to be a bitch here, or shame you, or anything else of the sort. I know you get plenty of that already. I AM trying to impress upon you the seriousness of your situation, if you’re not making taking care of yourself, your #1 priority. You absolutely HAVE TO DO THAT! If you have kids, they are depending on you to do that, so you can still be healthy enough to take care of them, and protect them if need be.
Maybe you are just starting to realize what’s being done (or what was done) to you. Maybe you’ve known for a while now, and are still in the thick of it. Whatever the case, you need to be at your strongest right now- not your weakest. This is especially true if you are still living with your narcissist. You’re going to need all the strength you can get. You can’t afford to neglect yourself for one minute more, if you hope to get away safely, and without issue. So… start now…today. Shit, if you’re at home, get up and go get yourself a yogurt or something. EAT! (I’m going to push that one a lot, since that has always been, and continues to be my greatest challenge).
Realistically, you have got to stop and think for a moment!! What do you think all that stress is doing to you? Sooner or later, you’re going to have to pay attention to your own health and well-being, and in my humble opinion, it’s much better to do so BEFORE it becomes a matter for a hospital. Don’t you agree?
Over the course of the next several posts, I’m going to share some of my “secrets” (that are not actually secret at all) to surviving life as a narcissist’s wife. It’s my personal “system”, for maintaining my sanity, and honoring my body, mind, and spirit, while in an adverse situation. I hope that there is something here that strikes your fancy, that you can use to help make your life a little more bearable- in spite of the circumstances.
Truth be told, since starting my little system, I’ve started to feel the life coming back into me, whereas before, I felt as though all my life-force energy had been sucked away. I felt ‘all dried up’. Now, I’m feeling a little bit better, and a little bit stronger, every day. AND as a surprising bonus- my husband has actually backed off a bit…almost as if he can sense my self-respect, and growing strength, peeking through my surface, and it’s sending a message to him…
I WILL NOT BE DESTROYED!
~The Narcissist’s Wife