Today I’m going to share with you one of my biggest secrets to keeping my sanity while living with a narcissist. The Narcissist’s Wife fights back in this post- and I want to share with you how you can start fighting back too. What’s the absolute BEST, most DEVASTATING, thing you can do to really get back at the narcissist? The answer: Take care of YOU!
The narcissist THRIVES on YOUR life-force energy. The weaker you get, the stronger he grows, because he is LITERALLY sucking away all your life-force energy. He has to do this, because narcissist’s aren’t able to create their own energy, the way normal people can, by going for a walk in nature, or practicing a favorite hobby, or singing, etc. He NEEDS you to supply him with that energy, and you do this by giving him attention, fighting with him, pleading with him, fighting him, loving him, hating him, and basically doing everything you can to force him to act like a decent human being. By doing this, he gets more powerful, leaving you depleted, exhausted, depressed, and broken.
But…no more of that, you got it?
How a Narcissist’s Wife fights back…
Starting today, I want you to start taking your power back, and like I mentioned (above), the best way to do that, is to practice radical self-love & self- care. I know that’s a hard thing to do, especially if you’ve been in the relationship for a while- you’re probably already feeling beat-down and like you have no fight left in you. But trust me, there’s still fight left in you. I promise.
Luckily, the first step to taking your power back, is super-simple. What I’m about to share with you, is what my first step was, in taking my life back, and surviving life with a narcissist. It’s also the first part of the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery & Self-Healing Program, that I’m developing. Consider this a “sneak peek”!
So…where to start? With a daily, morning ritual. It’s so easy, and it’s such a great way to start your day, on a powerfully positive note. It’s also the perfect way to ensure that you are “powering up”, or replenishing, your energy on a daily basis, so the narc can’t ever completely deplete your energy stores.
[**It also gives you some private ‘alone time’ to plan your escape- if you’ve decided to escape- without prying eyes.** ]
In any case, I’ll get right to it. Enjoy your sneak peek into…
The Secrets of a Divine Warrioress:
Narcissistic Abuse Recovery & Self-Healing Program
PART 1: The Magical Dawn Ritual
I figured a magical, and inspiring, morning ritual, is a good place to start. Really, the way you start your day largely determines how the rest of that day goes. No lie. Not only did I read that in the book The Miracle Morning, but I also heard it on some radio program once…so it must be true, right?
I started digging in to this whole ‘personal growth’ thing, and I realized that all the most successful people I researched had two things in common:
- They all dedicated at least an hour a day towards personal growth & development, or spiritual growth.
2. They all woke up insanely early.
My first thought, upon learning this was, “Well, shit. There goes my chance at success.” But, then I pulled on my ‘big-girl panties’ (I’ve been doing that a lot these days) and decided that, if I was ever going to move past this not-so-pleasant phase of my life, then some sacrifices would have to be made. That’s just the way it was.
Also, I realized that my days seemed to follow a regular, emotional pattern. I’d wake up in the morning, feeling hopeful, and determined to have a good, positive, productive day… but by the end of the first couple hours, I was already frazzled and stressed out, ready to pull my hair out by the fist full. Not so sexy. I theorized that, perhaps, a longer, more structured, deeply meaningful, and powerful morning routine would have more lasting effects on my mood, than simply waking up and muttering a hopeful “You are going to have a great day today, right? No stress, today. Super-Smiles!”. At the very least, it was worth a shot. It’s not like my days could get much worse, in any case. I had nothing to lose.
So, I set out to create the perfect morning ritual. I read the book, The Miracle Morning, by Hal Elrod, and was totally inspired. While I didn’t take every suggestion, or copy his routine exactly as he outlined it, I did use the concept of doing several really positive activities, for a short period of time each. After some experimentation & tweaking (including a nice, pretty name for my AM routine), I found my groove. And, since that time, I’ve been waking up insanely early, to do my Magical Dawn Ritual every, single day, without fail…even on the weekends! I know… that’s crazy, right? Well, I can’t help it… I feel so great now. I LOVE IT!
If you’d like to design your own Magical Dawn Ritual, you can download my FREE Design Kit, HERE. The Magical Dawn Design Kit includes: my personal Magical Dawn schedule, as a sample, and a blank template for you to fill in as you please. Plus, I added a PDF with a list of activity ideas, so you can customize your morning any way you like 🙂
Since starting my morning ritual, a number of things have improved, in my life.
- I’m in a MUCH better mood, most of the time. My kids will tell you what an awesome blessing that is.
- I feel so much more calm, and peaceful throughout my day. I was even able to stop taking my anti-anxiety medication!
- Since making a light, but healthy, breakfast a part of my morning routine, my appetite has much improved and I’ve managed to gain back 7 lbs. (out of the almost 20 lbs I had lost over the past year, since my husband’s abuse escalated severely).
- I feel pretty! It probably sounds silly, but I incorporated certain activities into my morning ritual simply because they made me feel more sensual, and feminine, and pretty. And, as a result, I DO feel prettier than I have in a long while.
- No more insomnia. By waking up at the exact same time every morning, I’ve helped my body reset its natural circadian clock. Because my body knows when I’m going to wake up, it makes me feel sleepy at the right time for me to get the right amount of sleep. What’s more…I even sleep better at night, too.
- I realized how much I enjoy my own company. Being up when it’s still dark outside, and the rest of my family is sleeping, is probably my favorite ‘just for me’ thing. It’s so peaceful, and quiet, and calm. I can actually hear myself think. Some of my best creative ideas happen in those still pre-dawn hours.
- My butt is not flat anymore! Ok, so this may sound like a silly thing, but seriously, this matters…at least, to me it does…ha ha ha. After giving birth to FOUR children, my ass abandoned me. Ran away, with my boobs, to some far off land where pregnancy can never find them again! (LMAO) This was very disturbing, for me, seeing as how I never had much goings-on, in my “chestal region” in the first place. To make up for it, though, God had bestowed upon me, the perfect butt. That is, until I went and busted out four kids. My backside pretty much went on strike on the fourth kid, and refused to return, until I came to my senses and stopped procreating.
Well, since making yoga a part of my morning ritual, my butt has been making a slow, but sure, come back…and I couldn’t be more pleased!
- I’ve deepened my faith, more than I ever thought I could. I’ve always been a spiritual woman. Since childhood, I’ve always been drawn to the mystical and magical side of life. I’ve always had felt a kinship with nature- much to my Catholic mother’s chagrin. (She used to accuse me of being a devil worshiper- LOL). Now, my relationship with my Divine Creator, is as close as it’s ever been, and what starts in the morning, as part of a ritual, follows me throughout my day, keeping me constantly connected to God/dess, and my angels. Plus, I’m learning so much that I never knew before. It’s truly helped me find my place on this planet. Oh! And my talent for healing has increased ten-fold!
- I’m getting better at manifesting the things I desire, into my life- having lots of practice with affirmations, and visualizations, and what-not.
- As a utterly unexpected bonus- my husband’s behavior has improved, since I started my Magical Dawn Ritual. My theory is that narcissist’s only “respect” (more like fear/envy) power. All this self-improvement, I’ve been doing, has definitely helped me to regain some of my lost self-respect, and self-esteem. I think he can sense, and see, this. As such, he has backed off with the misbehavior a bit. And every little bit counts!
Even when he does act up, I’m able to more easily define & enforce my boundaries, walk away from fights, and completely ignore the traps he sets for me… trying to drag me into some sort of get-down-dirty scene, to get supply from me. Not so much anymore. I’m just not as easily baited by him. (Well, at least, some of the time, anyway- but hey- that’s better than none of the time, right?). And that is FANTASTIC!
So, as you can see, there are lots of benefits to engaging in a Magical Dawn Ritual of your own. You will feel better, look better, and be better able to withstand the childish tactics of your own narcissist.
You can copy mine, and use it as-is, or tweak it to your heart’s content, until you find what works perfectly for YOU. Again, you can download a FREE copy of my personal morning ritual outline, PLUS a blank Morning Dawn Ritual outline, and other goodies, for you to design your own, right here.
I sincerely hope you decide to give it a try, and I hope it helps you in some positive way. I know this one change in my daily life, has brought me untold comfort and strength, and I hope it can, at least, bring you some small measure of relief from the constant stress of living with your narcissist.
To Magical Mornings,
~ The Narcissist’s Wife
I’d love to know: Do you already have a morning routine? Got any ideas, or inspirations, you’d like to share?