The Diary of The Narcissist’s Wife
September 2006- June 2017
This decade-long chapter of my life, in which I played the role of “the narcissist’s wife”, is filled with an overwhelming amount of pain, heartbreak, betrayal, anger, abuse & despair. It is, undoubtedly, the darkest chapter of my life story. Nothing short of traumatic.
I hurt more than I ever imagined a person could hurt. I cried until I thought, surely, I’d used up all my tears. And, then, I cried some more. I screamed in utter pain, until my throat was raw.
I spent many, long, dark nights fervently praying to God for some relief from the abuse… and my shame. I spent many other nights, literally, on my knees begging through uncontrollable sobs, for a narcissist to show me some mercy. My days were reserved for my kids, and for trying to piece my shattered self back together.
The stress of constantly trying to reconcile two completely opposing realities- the reality in which the narcissist plays the convincing role of the kindly Dr. Jekyll, and the reality in which he unleashes the cruel and sadistic Mr. Hyde- it’s too much for a normal mind to process. Especially, when you consider the lightening speeds, and absolute randomness, with which those two realities interchange themselves. The pain, and confusion, that results is immense.
Unfortunately, the pain and confusion only intensify in the absence of any validation of their cause; the danger of suffering major depression, succumbing to mental or emotional breakdown, and the incidence of suicide, increase dramatically. When your perceptions of reality are constantly challenged, and outright disregarded, the effects are insidious- and unbelievably damaging.
It’s enough to drive you bat-shit crazy. And, that’s exactly the reason why I decided to create this page. It is my hope that this library, full of my personal journal entries, will help you to validate your own experiences. While not particularly “positive”, or “educational”, in the usual sense, I feel it’s vital that you know someone out here understands what you’re going through. Other women have gone through very similar (if not, damn-near identical) circumstances… and survived.
I want these journal pages to serve as a reminder to you, that you are NOT crazy. And, you are NOT alone.
What you are feeling is real, and valid.
What you are feeling matters. And so do you.
I hope the following journal entries bring you comfort, relief, support, or encouragement. I hope something positive comes from your time spent here. And, please, I encourage you to share your own experiences, or leave comments. Feel free to ask questions.
I’ve been researching, studying, and experiencing narcissistic abuse for nearly 10 years. I know, in my very soul, that I didn’t go through this hell for nothing. It served a higher purpose. And that higher purpose…is You.
Of that, I am certain.
With all my love,
~The Narcissist’s Wife
The Diary of A Narcissist’s Wife
- The Panic of Birthdays With A Narcissist
- Being A Narcissist’s Wife
- When the World Sees Dr. Jekyll, But You Know Mr. Hyde
- Valentine’s Day With A Narcissist
- Why Doesn’t She Just Leave?
- Why Does It Hurt So Bad?
- Can’t You See You’re Hurting Me?
- How to Tell if the Man You Love, Hates You
- My Lovely Conversation With the Other Woman
- Just Another Poem About Love
- My Own Personal Brand of Insanity Addiction
- A Weakness for the Broken Ones
- How Could You Love…HIM?