- About 4,000 women die each year due to domestic violence
- Of the total domestic violence homicides, about 75% of the victims were killed as they attempted to leave the relationship or after the relationship had ended.
- A woman is more likely to be killed by a male partner (or former partner) than any other person.
- Women of all races are equally vulnerable to violence by an intimate partner.
- On average, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or partners in this country every day.
- On average, a woman will attempt to leave an abusive relationship seven times before she leaves for good.
- Many of these women have C-PTSD, Stockholm Syndrome, trauma bonding, peptide addiction, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, agoraphobia, and a host of other physical & emotional illnesses & disorders due to being subjected to prolonged daily abuse.
- Executive function is often damaged in these women, meaning their decision making processes have been compromised (this can happen as a result of PTSD)
- Many believe the threats, of the partner, to kill them or their children, if they leave. (Mostly, because the threats are REAL).
Many women do not have strong advocates, to validate them and offer support.
- Women lack support networks. They literally have nowhere to go.
- In some instances, the abuser is wealthy, famous, or well-respected, and the victim knows that no one will believe her.
- Some women are in denial of the abuse (survival tactic) and believe that the abuse would stop if they were better wives.
- In some cases, the children pressure their mother to stay in the relationship.
- Some women believe that by leaving, they are leaving their children open to punishment, or retribution, from the abuser, because they will no longer be present to stop any possible abuse.
- Some women are mentally, emotionally, or physically disabled, which makes obtaining financial aid, legal aid, or any other type of resource, difficult or impossible.
In TOO MANY cases, no one believes the victim. She therefore fears the consequences to herself (and her children, if she has them) if she were to attempt to leave.
- In many cases, the victim is isolated- perhaps even in a rural town or city- and finding resources, let alone finding suitable living conditions, is difficult.
- The victim may CORRECTLY asses that staying is safer as they are able to monitor the cycles of the abuser, and know when to “take cover” so to speak, in order to avoid the wrath of the abuser.
- Many victims spent too long attempting to cover for the abuser, or minimizing the abuse, for fear that if someone were to find out, they would lose their children. When they try to escape, they find themselves in a predicament due to shame, guilt, and exposing something they have been trying to hide for a very long time.
These are just a few of 100 reasons why women stay. BUT, in the end, the ONLY thing ANYONE needs to understand is this:
IF- WE- ARE- STILL- IN- AN- ABUSIVE- RELATIONSHIP,-
IT’S -BECAUSE- WE- HAVE- NOT- ASSESSED- THE- SITUATION- TO- BE -SAFE- ENOUGH- TO -LEAVE- YET.
Women leave the moment they see a safe escape, and not one second before that. We are human beings, and our survival instinct is strong. When we sense danger, or a threat to ourselves or our offspring, we do what we have to do to survive…even if that means staying with our abuser, and dealing with the guilt and shame of being forced to make that decision.
I really hope that helps clear things up. To be honest, I’m really tired of hearing the question “Why Does She Stay?” … it’s a sign of something wrong in our society, that we would even ask that question… when the RIGHT QUESTION- the question everyone SHOULD BE ASKING is:
“Why is he abusing her, and getting away with it?”
Next time you talk to a woman that you know, or suspect, is in an abusive relationship, maybe you could try asking her, “How can I help?” instead.
I’m just saying….