My husband has a major throat infection. Tonsillitis, says the ER doctor we had to visit two nights ago. His throat is so swollen that he can’t eat, or even breathe, without major pain. I feel sorry for him. I know how much that sucks. I had that same type of infection take hold of my throat, when I was about 19. It was painful enough that the distant memory of it is still quite vivid in my mind. I do not envy his circumstance.
My husband has taken his antibiotics, and his Tylenol. Still, he is miserable. Of course he is. Throat infections, and sore throats, etc. are all physical manifestations of a energetic “illness”. [All physical dis-eases are. But, that’s beside the point]. In this case, the underlying problem is unexpressed anger. An unwillingness to change. (OMG…I’m shocked!!!——–> Not!)
Because he is in so much obvious pain, I couldn’t resist trying to help the booger-head. So, I told him to take out a piece of paper, and on that paper, write down every nasty, angry thought he can remember thinking, but not expressing. I told him to be absolutely brutal. After writing each thought, he was to think to himself, “I bless you and let you go.” as he crossed out the angry thought, then wrote below it, “I express myself freely. I am willing to change.” Once he was finished, he could go outside and burn the paper. That way, he’d feel safe to write whatever came up…knowing no one would read it.
It is such a simple, yet powerful, exercise. And it really does work. In any case, it’s obvious that, at the very least, there is no way that this trifling activity could cause any further damage. Yet still, even though there is nothing to lose, and possibly the reduction of his severe pain to gain, my husband-baby refuses to do the exercise. Could it possibly be because I was the one who suggested it, and the ego-maniac can’t possibly condescend to comply with a directive given by me?
He lays in bed, crosses his arms across his chest, in true toddler tantrum style, and refuses to budge. (Seriously, I’m not even exaggerating that). He just keeps barking at me to “Back off!” and “Chill out!” (Dear God, the man is trying to drive me to violence, I swear it!)
I would like to point out here, that in the past, my “weird directives” have eased a myriad of mild-to-moderate physical discomforts, for him, so it isn’t like he has never been in the position of having me suggest some strange, and seemingly random activity- or simply apply my hands to different parts of his body- in order to comfort his physical symptoms. One would think that, if there’s nothing to lose, then whatever the activity, it would be worth a try, in order to ease the pain. But, that’s only if you’re a rational person.
If you’re a narcissist, then the answer is as ridiculous as my husband’s behavior… If you’re a narcissist, you’d rather be bull-headed, and suffer, than condescend to take direction from a “lowly woman”. After all what could her inferior brain possibly conceive of, that his superior one had not already considered?
And this, my friends, is just one of a thousand examples of why living with a narcissist, is so damaging. A narcissist would rather suffer in excruciating pain (or let you suffer)…he’d rather DIE, actually, than “take orders” from an insolent, and at-present, noisy object. And, he does not have the capability to see it as anything other than that, so in his mind, he wouldn’t dare stoop that low.
He will gleefully watch his refusal to comply- his stubborn childish tantrum- irritate the shit out of you. He will whine, and moan, and groan, until you want to rip off your own arm, just so you have something to beat him with. It doesn’t bother him…really. And, do you want to know why?
Because, in his mind… he has “won”.
Now, because I’m frustrated at the situation…(you see, he keeps moaning and whining out loud, as though he were William Wallace being disemboweled alive)…I suggest to him that perhaps he should not be such a child. Perhaps he could just do as I ask, and attempt to not be so obnoxious. He just whines, in reply.
“Fine”, I say, “Don’t do anything, Worry more about winning than your own comfort or the future of this marriage. I get it. It’s fine. You win, big man.”
Annnnd, we’re in full-throttle tantrum-mode. He is now literally stomping his feet, and grabbing his notebook and ripping pages as he vehemently turns pages. He’s throwing pens around, apparently searching for the one proper pen that will do for “tantrum-writing”. Then he begins scribbling frantically on a piece of paper. No actual letters are legible. And he’s narrating his victim-hood out loud, as he dramatically scrawls on the page: “I feel helpless”, he says/writes,”whenever my wife wants something, but I want something different.”
… because he still can’t just do the fucking exercise. He can’t “lose”. He has to “win”.
And there you have it…the Obnoxious splendor of a real-life narcissist-toddler tantrum.
And, I just can’t help but laugh, because a narcissist will ALWAYS cut off his nose, just to spite his face.
What’s the funniest tantrum your narcissist has ever thrown? Share in the comments section below!
To your peace & freedom
~The Narcissist’s Wife